The story I knew I should share began on May 31, 2018.
Seeing my mom parish that day is something I never had the courage to imagine. Life is so generous in the gifts it gives us, yet it is so cruel how it takes things away. Her health started slowly declining a few years ago, and she experienced pain I cannot fathom. For this reason, I had a small granule of relief. I must admit that her pain slowly chipped her away from me even before her body gave out.
After her passing, it was immediately hard to feel her spirit while my life continued.
As my family stood outside to celebrate my mom, her brother spoke fondly of her life and the things we loved about her. The weather was perfect and the sun was shining down on us. As his words soaked our souls, a beautiful yellow glowing butterfly swirled relentlessly around the group making its way to him as he spoke.
Gazing at all the faces, we all suddenly felt her presence. We all chatted and smiled about it after the ceremony. It was this amazing reminder that there was still plenty of beauty left in life without her, and we should be embracing it right now while we had the chance. This moment gave me what I needed--a tangible, amazing living symbol of my mom. I am thankful every day that this moment happened.
A day or so later, a message arrived on Meaghan's Facebook feed, and naturally, she passed it on to me.
The timing of this message overwhelmed my heart, and I cherished it. It was a little silly, quite bizarre, and strangely comforting.
I should share this story.
I never did.
Butterflies became more important in my life, and I always longed to see them so I could see my mom. Butterfly sightings at the house were rare, so it seemed like the family made our way to the Sertoma Butterfly House a bit more frequently.
The story I knew I should share resumed on May 31, 2019.
I had lived a full year without my mom.
I talked to each of my family members over the phone that day to see how everyone was dealing with the calendar. It was not an easy occasion to remember, but like anything terrible, we all tried to remember the great things about this lovely lady and how lucky we were to know her.
The early evening sun set in, and I kept my body busy. I started up the mower and kept moving along since nobody was home yet. I was lost in my thoughts and the lanes in the patterned grass.
Minutes passed, and I glanced up from the freshly-cut grass strips to see my two children waving furiously at me in the golden light with these unforgettable smiles. I must confess, I had this "circle of life" moment looking at them and my heart was filled with sadness and gratefulness. Normally, I would waive them off in dismissal so I could finish mowing but this time I turned the mower off to go talk to them.
We gathered to get a quick hello since I wasn't quite finished yet and was so happy to see them. At that moment, a yellow butterfly suddenly entered our path and flew between and around us and continued on its way.
Hello Mom.
I had to make my way back to the mower pretty quickly because emotions were flowing.
I should tell this story.
I never did.
The story I knew I should share resurfaced on Aug 8, 2019.
I stood there watching AJ in the backyard play all by himself on the playground. The wind was incredible and he was attempting to swing head-on into the wind but could barely do it. I had no idea why he wanted to play outside right at this moment. Normally he only played here with his sister. Normally conditions would be much more favorable.
I had this strange reminiscent feeling bubbling inside me, and I had flashbacks of how this young child was growing so fast, and it made me want to stop time. I don't know why, but as I watched him, tears began to run and I had to walk inside the house to avoid making a scene and to distract myself from this moment.
After gathering myself, I went back outside and climbed down the stairs to be closer to AJ as he attempted to swing in the wild wind. Despite the gusts from mother nature, a yellow butterfly furiously flew to me and then to him. My mother had come to comfort me.
AJ and I marveled at it in silence. Such a bold move for this creature to conquer the wind, but I knew in my heart it was no ordinary creature.
Seemingly, my wish was granted: Time suddenly stood still.
"That's just like the one we saw when we said goodbye to grandma." AJ was the first to break the silence.
"What's that, AJ?" I was in awe of our seemingly perfect synchronization of thoughts.
"You know--that yellow butterfly that landed on grandma's brother," he said casually.
"It landed on him?" I couldn't believe I didn't remember that.
"Yeah.... it landed on his back shoulder."
I smiled. I realized AJ also felt in his heart it was no ordinary creature. It was now something so much more.
The story I knew I should share is a story I will share today, October 21, 2019.
My mom would have been 70 years young today.
Happy Birthday Mom. I can't wait to see you again real soon.
She lives on.
